5 Harsh Reasons Why When Your Ex Comes Crawling Back, It’s Not a Compliment—It’s an Insult!
“Hey stranger, how’ve you been?”
The text popped up at 9:07 PM on a Saturday night, with my ex Tyler’s name glowing on my screen.
Just one of many attempts to come crawling back and reconnect since he ghosted me over 5 years ago.
You’d think I’d be flattered.
After all, this is what every hot girl anthem, romantic comedy, and thirst trap caption pushes—being the one he regrets losing, the one who stays on his mind long after the breakup.
And yeah… once upon a time, that’s exactly how it felt.
After matching on a dating app, Tyler and I had an instant, electric connection.
5 months of deep talks, fun dates, incredible chemistry, and sex that felt almost too good to be true.
I really thought he was the perfect guy for me, and that we were building something real.
Then he ghosted.
No warning, no explanation—just disappeared.
A year later, he came back with apologies and excuses.
He was “so busy,” had “a lot on his plate.”
It sounded understandable, and I was so excited—and, honestly, so desperate to have him again—that I dove right back in.
Another 5 magical months… another brutal disappearance.
Rinse and repeat.
After the second time, he continued resurfacing every couple of years like a human boomerang.
I told myself I’d be a fool to actually date him again.
But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t give me a little thrill each time he returned.
I felt like that bitch.
Tyler obviously couldn’t forget me.
He couldn’t keep himself from crawling back, seemingly full of regret for letting me go in the first place.
But the more I grew as a person, the more I started rolling my eyes with every “catch-up” attempt.
Because I began to realize that the whole “empowerment” narrative about having an ex come crawling back is not actually empowering at all.
It’s not romantic.
It’s not flattering.
And it’s definitely not a compliment.
It’s actually an insult—and here’s why:
5 Reasons Your Ex Keeps Coming Back (And Why It’s Not a Compliment)
1. He Thinks You’re Still That Girl
When an ex comes back, the first thing we’re tempted to believe is that he’s full of regret.
Especially if you spent the whole relationship showing him you were loyal, loving, and down for him no matter what… and he still left.
So when he reappears, it feels validating.
Like he’s finally seeing what an incredible woman he walked away from and he’s ready to step up.
But really, he’s not coming back because he’s changed—he’s coming back because he’s hoping you haven’t.
He’s testing the waters to see if you still have that soft spot.
If you’re still the girl who’ll hear him out, let him back in, and slip right back into your old habits.
Men hate rejection more than anything, so it might seem like he’s humbling himself by reaching out.
But he’s only doing it because he’s confident you won’t crush his ego.
Even if you hit him with some sass or play a little hard to get, he doesn’t take it as real rejection.
He sees it as part of the game—you getting your little attitude out before you eventually cave.
He knows that underneath the “new phone, who dis?” energy, you still have that soft spot.
2. He’s Fishing for His Ego Fix
Some exes don’t come back because they miss you—they come back because they miss how you made them feel.
Maybe things ended on a rough note and he doesn’t like feeling like the villain.
He wants to see if you’ll forgive him so he can feel better about himself.
Or maybe he just misses that high of having someone completely obsessed with him.
He remembers how forgiving you were, how down bad, how willing to drop everything for him.
And now he’s wondering: do I still have that effect on her?
After everything he put you through, would you really let him weasel right back in just because he complimented your Instagram story or reminded you about that amazing weekend you had together?
When you do forgive him or let him back in—even a little—it gives him a double ego hit: “I’m not the bad guy after all” and “She still wants me.”
So while you’re screenshotting his messages like “Look who came crawling back,” trust that his ego is getting stroked too.
He might be doing the exact same thing, telling his boys, “I ghosted this girl and she STILL wants me.”
3. You’re His Plan B (or C… or D)
Sometimes when your ex resurfaces, it’s because his other options fell through.
He’s single again.
The rebound he left you for didn’t last.
His dating apps are a wasteland.
His situationships fizzled out.
Now he’s lonely, bored, or probably in a sex drought.
That’s when he starts reminiscing about the good times with you—not because he misses the relationship, but because he misses the benefits.
He remembers the chemistry, the fun you two had between the sheets.
So he slides into your DMs with some flirty energy, maybe throws in a half-hearted apology, brings up those amazing nights you had, and drops a line like “Maybe we should make new memories…”
But when this happens, he’s not genuinely looking to rekindle the relationship—he’s looking for a placeholder.
Someone familiar and available to fill the void until something new and “better” comes along.
And the second it does?
He’ll vanish all over again, leaving you wondering why you fell for the same BS twice.
4. He’s Keeping Score, Not Keeping in Touch
Some exes come back acting sweet and concerned, like they just want to catch up and see how you’ve been.
They ask seemingly innocent questions about your job, your dating life, whether you’re happy.
But don’t be fooled—there’s usually an agenda.
He’s not checking in because he cares.
He’s checking in to compare.
Are you still single and sad while he’s “winning”?
Did your career blow up while his fizzled out?
Are you thriving in life—or still stuck where he left you?
He might casually flex about his new apartment, a promotion, or some “life-changing mindset” he picked up from a podcast—all to impress you or position himself above you.
Or maybe he’s the one who fell off.
His business failed.
His relationship crashed.
The life he thought he’d have didn’t pan out—and now he’s circling back to see where you ended up.
If you’re doing well, don’t be surprised if he hits you with fake flattery like: “Damn, I should’ve kept you around,” or “You were always so smart.”
As if he’s been your cheerleader all along—instead of the guy who dipped.
But don’t fall for it.
He’s not here to celebrate you—he’s here to compare, compete, and validate his past decisions.
He’s not proud of you, he’s keeping tabs.
5. He Can’t Stand Seeing You Thrive
Sometimes the cruelest reason an ex comes back is because he can’t stand to see you doing fine without him.
He see’s you healing, thriving, maybe dating someone new—and instead of being happy for you, he feels entitled to disrupt it.
All they want is just enough access to distract you, confuse you, or shake the confidence you’ve built since they left.
Sometimes it’s jealousy.
Sometimes it’s a bruised ego.
But most of the time, it’s about control.
He misses the version of you that was fully focused on him—the one who gave him all your time, energy, and emotional attention.
Now that you’re unavailable or at peace, he wants to claw some of that power back.
It’s a twisted game.
He doesn’t want you back—he wants you broken.
He wants to see if he can still make you cancel plans, overthink his texts, or lose sleep wondering what he really meant.
He wants proof that no matter how far you’ve come, he can still pull your strings like you’re his personal puppet.
The goal isn’t to fix the relationship—it’s to prove he can still disrupt your life whenever he feels like it.
And once he’s sure he can?
He’ll disappear again—leaving you more confused and hurt than before.
What to Do When Your Ex Comes Crawling Back
1. Keep It Short and Surface
Be polite, but dry.
A casual “doin’ good” or “glad to hear that” works just fine.
Don’t give him updates on your goals, your glow-up, or your wins.
He doesn’t need to know you’re thriving—especially if he once played a role in holding you back.
2. Leave Him on Read
Not in the mood to respond?
You don’t have to.
Silence is a response—and sometimes it says more than any text ever could.
3. Don’t Meet Up
Be careful with “just catching up.”
And definitely think twice before hooking up just because the sex was fire.
Why sleep with a man who once screwed you over?
4. Block If You Need To
Blocking is valid—especially if he’s being pushy, chaotic, or just won’t take the hint.
Protecting your peace is never petty.
In Closing
I used to buy into the hype—that having exes who couldn’t forget me and kept crawling back was some kind of badge of honor.
Tyler wasn’t even the only one—just the most persistent.
There were others before him, and I remember how powerful it felt when they’d resurface with their apologies and sweet talk.
But it never led anywhere.
It just reopened old wounds or reminded me why things ended in the first place.
Now I understand: when a man keeps coming back, it’s not a compliment—it’s a mirror.
One that used to reflect my lack of self-love, confidence, and boundaries.
Sometimes I feel sad looking back at that version of myself.
Embarrassed by how much I tolerated, how little I asked for, how quickly I dropped my standards for crumbs of attention.
But I also feel proud—because I’m not her anymore.
Men like that don’t get that kind of access to me now.
And every time I resist the urge to backtrack—to settle, to romanticize, to entertain someone who already showed me who he was—I feel that pride all over again.
