My Resilient Daughter of an Elderly Narcissistic Mother Story
Being the daughter of an elderly narcissistic mother, Mother’s Day has always been a mix of emotions for me.
It’s marketed as a time for celebrating amazing moms, but for me, it’s always felt a bit forced and overly sweet.
You see, my mom wasn’t the warm, nurturing figure often pictured on Mother’s Day cards.
She was the opposite, really.
My mom was a narcissist—distant, self-centered, and not really emotionally available.
Growing up, it was tough to build any kind of loving connection with her.
So, Mother’s Day never quite hit the mark for me as a day of celebration.
This Mother’s Day, I feel compelled to open up about what life is really like when your mom is a narcissist and how it’s shaped who I am.
My Life as the Daughter of an Elderly Narcissistic Mother Story
Absence of Affection
As the daughter of an elderly narcissistic mother, my mom was never one to give hugs or show any affection.
In fact, I can’t recall a single time she said, “I love you.”
I believe it is because she knew that saying those words would be a lie.
Instead, she would go out of her way to belittle and criticize me.
She seemed intent on making me feel like I was worthless and weak.
This left me desperate for affection and validation, which I spent years seeking in all the wrong places.
Lack of Support
Growing up as the daughter of an elderly narcissistic mother meant never getting the comfort I needed during tough times.
Instead of support, she’d blame me and tell me to sort it out myself, as if my struggles were just a hassle for her.
On the rare occasions she did reluctantly help me, she would do so in a way that made me feel even worse.
She would be condescending and cruel.
She made sure I knew she was doing me a favor by giving me any attention at all.
This approach left me constantly feeling alone and unsupported in life, especially during my most vulnerable moments.
Blame Game
As the daughter of an elderly narcissistic mother, I grew up with a mom who had a knack for twisting things around and making everything my fault, even when she was clearly in the wrong.
No matter the size of her mistake, she always managed to shift the blame to me.
I remember her saying things like, “You should have told me this would happen!” or “Why did you let me do that?”
These constant accusations made me feel like I was always to blame and that it was okay to accept fault for things I didn’t do.
It also made me feel like I needed to take on other people’s problems and fix everything, even when it wasn’t my responsibility.
Consequently, I became a people pleaser, constantly apologizing for every little thing, even when it wasn’t my fault.
Living in Fear
As the daughter of an elderly narcissistic mother, I grew up with a mom who was always anxious and paranoid.
She constantly projected her fears onto me, trying to convince me that every move I made could lead to deadly disaster.
Living in this state of constant doom made it hard for me to trust my own instincts or make decisions without her approval.
This really stunted my sense of independence and left me feeling anxious and unsure of myself.
Even as an adult, I found it tough to shake off the feeling that I needed her constant guidance and approval.
Need for Control
Growing up as the daughter of an elderly narcissistic mother, I felt her need for control and power in every part of my life.
She wanted me to think and feel just like her and expected me to follow the goals she set for me.
No matter how old I got, she never stopped trying to micromanage my life.
In her eyes, I was never truly free to make my own choices without her approval.
Her manipulative behavior left me feeling suffocated, unable to pursue my own desires and dreams.
It was a stifling experience that made me feel like my thoughts and opinions didn’t matter.
Struggling with Body Image
Growing up as the daughter of an elderly narcissistic mother, I faced constant criticism about my physical appearance.
From the age of 7, she would repeatedly tell me I was too fat and needed to lose weight.
Despite being the one who kept junk food in the house and prepared most of our meals, she blamed me for eating too much and made fun of my body.
This criticism didn’t stop as I got older; there were always reminders that I could be slimmer or look better.
Her constant negative comments about my weight and appearance led to lifelong struggles with eating disorders and body dysmorphia.
I’m never satisfied with how I look and am always paranoid that others are judging my appearance.
Discovering My Worth
As the daughter of an elderly narcissistic mother, I often felt like my interests and accomplishments were insignificant.
Whenever I got excited about something I loved, she would find a way to criticize and tear it down.
When I started pursuing a career as a freelance creative, she belittled my work, saying I’d never make it in the industry.
She wanted me to abandon my dreams and settle for what she considered a “practical” job, like a retail greeter or an office clerk.
Even when I shared my dream of going back to school as an adult learner, her response was discouraging.
Instead of supporting me, she immediately shut me down, telling me I was too old and mentally unfit to complete college.
Her lack of faith left me heartbroken and discouraged, making me question if I was destined to fail before even starting.
But as painful as her words were, they helped me see something clearly about my mother.
No matter what I did, she wouldn’t truly be happy for me.
I realized that she didn’t want me to succeed at anything because, deep down, she wanted me to depend on her and struggle through life just as she did.
She saw my ambition as a threat to her control over me, and the thought of losing that control was unbearable for her.
Manipulation Uncovered
It became painfully clear to me that my narcissistic mother wanted me to suffer.
Her true intentions were laid bare when she announced on Thanksgiving that she was removing me as her beneficiary and next of kin on her life insurance, replacing me with her distant brother who had barely kept in touch.
Her cruel reasoning behind this move was her belief that I was mentally unfit and wouldn’t be able to function when she passed away, thus unable to give her the big, beautiful funeral she felt she deserved.
In her narcissistic mind, my uncle was better suited for the job and should inherit her money and belongings.
When she told me this, I was utterly devastated, but what hurt the most was the way she sat there, smirking at me while I cried and teasing me by saying, “See, look at you. I told you you’re crazy. And you’re greedy too!”
It was as if she had been waiting for this moment to really stick it to me.
Her sick satisfaction at seeing me in pain was further proof that she didn’t truly love me and didn’t want me to succeed in life, but rather to suffer and be controlled by her even after she was gone.
Going No Contact
That was the moment when I made the tough choice to cut off all contact with my narcissistic mother.
I came to the realization that she would never change, and I couldn’t bear to be her emotional punching bag any longer.
It was time for me to stand up for myself and declare that enough was enough.
For 6 long months, we didn’t speak.
I held onto the hope that my absence would make her see the damage she had caused.
I prayed for her to recognize how her toxic behavior had affected me and to come back with an offer to make things right.
Sadly, that never happened.
Then, out of the blue, came the news of her unexpected passing.
Aftermath
After enduring years of my narcissistic mother’s abuse and receiving no closure, you might wonder how I’m doing now.
The short answer is, I’m surviving.
I’m currently in therapy, trying to deal with everything.
I wish I could say I’m close to feeling fine, but the truth is, some days are tougher than others.
Sometimes I feel anger towards my mom for all she did; other days, I just want to move past it.
I’m proud of myself for surviving my mother and building resilience throughout my life, despite everything she put me through.
I’m also proud that I’ve never stopped working on finding out who I truly am and improving my ability to interact well with others—something my narcissistic mother tried to take from me but never succeeded.
Conclusion
As Mother’s Day approaches, I’ve decided to gift myself the opportunity to express my truth through this article.
I’ll be honest; witnessing others celebrate their loving and supportive mothers makes me long for the same kind of motherly love I never received.
However, I’m not mourning the loss of the mother I had.
Instead, I choose to revel in the woman I have become and the mother I am to my own children.
I’ve broken free from the cycle of narcissism and poured all the love my mother never gave me into my children.
I hope that they will never feel insignificant or small and will always be able to rely on my love and support throughout their lives.
This Mother’s Day, I celebrate not only myself but all the mothers like me who are striving to create better lives for themselves and their children.
I also celebrate all the daughters of narcissistic mothers who are resolute in living fulfilling lives.
Despite our mothers, we are breaking the cycle and making a difference.
Let’s keep our heads up and carry on!
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