Going No Contact with Your Narcissistic Mother: Here’s What To Do
Going no contact with your narcissistic mother is one of the hardest choices you might face as an adult, but it can also be one of the most important for your wellbeing.
Society often paints mothers as loving, supportive figures who put their children’s needs first.
We’re taught to respect and stay close to our parents, especially as we get older.
After all, they raised us and shaped who we are today.
But what if your mother was your first bully?
What if, instead of supporting your growth and independence, she spent years subjecting you to emotional abuse and manipulation?
If you have a narcissistic mother, you probably don’t feel all warm and fuzzy about her like everyone says you should.
In fact, you probably feel fed up and desperate to get away from her.
You’re not alone in feeling this way.
Many adults with narcissistic mothers struggle with similar experiences.
My narcissistic mom started emotionally abusing when I was little, and it only got worse as I got older.
She’d always put me down, ignore my feelings, and just be plain mean.
She’d complain about everything I did and act like I was worthless, but then turn around and call me sassy and disrespectful if I tried to stand up for myself.
For me, the last straw came when my mom threatened to cut me off financially if I didn’t do exactly what she wanted.
That’s when I realized she didn’t actually care about me – she just wanted to control me.
Maybe you’re in a similar spot right now.
As you’re getting older, you’re starting to see how your mom’s behavior is holding you back and messing with your mental health.
You’re thinking about going no contact to feel peace and independence, but it’s scary to think about.
You’re probably afraid of how your mom will react and the family drama it might cause.
You might even feel guilty about the idea of “leaving” your mother.
And if you live with her or financially depend on her, that can make it even more complicated.
In this article, we’ll talk about going no contact with your narcissistic mom.
I’ll help you figure out if it’s time to think about going no contact, what steps to take if you decide to do it, and what you can expect afterward.
We’ll look at the specific problems adults face after going no contact and give you some ideas on how to handle this difficult change.
Ready? Let’s get started.
Understanding Narcissism
A narcissistic mom is someone who has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which basically means she’s super self-centered and has a hard time understanding or caring about other people’s feelings – even her own kids’.
As you start to become more independent – maybe going to college, getting a job, or just making your own decisions – she might freak out.
Your growing independence can feel like a threat to her.
That’s because she’s narcissistic and thinks you only exist to make her happy or take care of her needs, whether that’s emotional support, money, or just attention.
A lot of people with narcissistic moms feel like they’re on an emotional rollercoaster that never ends.
Here are some things you might notice about your narcissistic mom:
She’s Overly Controlling
Your narcissistic mom might act like she’s still in charge of your life, even when you’re an adult.
When you hang out with friends, she’ll demand to know every detail – where you are and who you’re with.
If you stay out late, get ready for a flood of frantic texts and calls.
She’ll act like you’ve vanished and then get angry at you for being “irresponsible” and making her worry.
She’ll try to take over big decisions in your life too.
Choosing college courses? Applying for jobs? Deciding where to live?
She’ll want a say in all of it.
Her goal is to keep you close and following the future she’s planned for you.
These moms aren’t shy about using emotional blackmail as a form of control either.
They often dangle things you want or need – like financial support – to keep you in line.
She’s a Master Manipulator
Narcissistic mothers are masters at using guilt to control you.
Your mom might often say things like, “After everything I’ve done for you!”
This makes it seem like providing basic care and occasional gifts means you owe her lifelong obedience and attention.
If you don’t do what she wants, she’ll quickly label you as ungrateful and selfish.
These moms also tend to over-shelter you, painting the outside world as a terrifying and untrustworthy place.
They might warn that if you stray outside their approved bubble, it could lead to extreme consequences, like assault or death.
They’ll insist you can’t make decisions without their input, claiming that any choice you make by yourself could ruin your entire life.
This fear-mongering makes it really hard for you to become independent or trust your own judgment.
You’re constantly made to feel like you need your mom’s guidance and protection for everything.
She Craves Attention and Drama
Narcissistic moms can’t get enough attention and drama.
They’re pros at turning everyday situations into major crises.
Your mom might constantly have “medical emergencies” that demand everyone’s immediate concern.
She might also call you several times a day, not because she needs anything important, but just to take up your time and get you to focus on her.
If you don’t always pick up, she could lash out, accusing you of being selfish and not caring about her.
Or she might demand you ditch your plans to help her with something she labels as “urgent,” like reorganizing her kitchen cabinets or figuring out how to work the TV remote.
This behavior creates a world where she’s always the star of the show, and everyone else – especially you – is just part of her supporting cast.
She Thinks She’s Untouchable
Narcissistic moms often act like they’re the most brilliant person in the world.
They truly believe they’re smarter, better, and more capable than everyone else.
In their eyes, they can do no wrong.
These moms crave feeling important and needed.
They’re always fishing for compliments and comparing themselves to others—and in their own stories, they always come out on top.
Because they think so highly of themselves, they assume they have all the answers.
They’ll give advice about anything, even if they don’t really know what they’re talking about.
They hate not being seen as the smartest person around and even try to make others feel dumb for not knowing as much as they claim to.
This behavior comes from their need to feel superior.
She Lacks Empathy
When it comes to understanding your feelings, narcissistic moms often fall short.
They have a knack for dismissing or downplaying your experiences.
If you’re going through a rough time, your mom might say it’s not important or that it’s your own fault for getting into the situation.
You’ll hear a smug “I told you so” or “I knew this would happen” from her.
Instead of comforting you – she’s more likely to tell you to “get over it” or compare your struggles to her own “much worse” problems.
Of course, if you flip the script, suddenly she expects you to drop everything and come to her rescue when she needs help.
It’s a one-way street of emotional support, and you’re always the one giving.
She Loves Criticism
Your narcissistic mom probably criticizes everything you do.
It’s like she’s got a never-ending list of things to pick on.
Your looks? Fair game.
She’ll comment on your weight, hair, or clothes without thinking twice.
And it doesn’t stop there.
Say you just got your own place.
Instead of being happy for you, she’ll find something wrong with it.
Maybe she hates the neighborhood or thinks your place is too small.
Got a new job?
She might scoff and ask when you’ll get a “real” career.
Even your free time isn’t safe.
She might criticize you for having hobbies, saying stuff like, “There’s more to life than that” or “You could be doing something more useful.”
It’s like she can’t stand seeing you enjoy yourself.
She Uses You for Her Gain
Narcissistic moms often see their kids as extensions of themselves, not as separate people.
This means she might use you to make herself look good or to get what she wants.
For example, she might brag about your achievements to her friends, but only when it makes her look like a great parent.
She could pressure you to choose a career that impresses others, even if it’s not what you want.
She might also use you as her personal therapist, dumping all her problems on you without considering your emotional capacity.
Financial manipulation is another tactic.
She could guilt you into supporting her financially or expect you to make major purchases for her, regardless of your own financial situation.
Some narcissistic moms even open credit cards in their adult children’s names without permission.
She Distorts Reality
Ever feel like your mom’s accusing you of things she actually does herself?
That’s projection, and narcissistic moms love doing it.
If she’s always calling you selfish, chances are she’s the one with selfish tendencies.
By pointing the finger at you, she’s really just trying to deflect attention from her own issues.
What’s really frustrating is when she starts denying reality.
You might bring up something hurtful she did in the past, only to hear, “I would never do that, that was you!” or “That didn’t happen, you’re making things up!”
This is gaslighting – a tactic aimed at making you doubt your own memories and experiences.
This distortion of reality can leave you feeling confused and frustrated.
You might start questioning your own memories and wondering if you’re the problem.
Should You Go No Contact with Your Narcissistic Mom? Here’s How to Tell
Cutting ties with your mother is a huge decision, and it’s not one to take lightly.
But if her presence in your life is constantly hurting you, draining you, and making you doubt yourself, it might be time to consider it.
Here are some clear signs that going no contact could be the healthiest choice:
1. She Disrespects Your Boundaries—Over and Over
You’ve tried setting boundaries, but she steamrolls right over them.
Whether she invades your privacy, criticizes your choices, or keeps doing things you’ve asked her not to, her message is clear: Your needs don’t matter.
2. She Manipulates You with Guilt, Money, or Pity
She knows exactly how to keep you hooked—acting sick when she wants attention, threatening to cut you off financially, or guilt-tripping you for not meeting her endless demands.
These mind games aren’t love; they’re control tactics.
3. She Drains Your Energy and Hurts Your Mental Health
Do you feel anxious, exhausted, or on edge every time you interact with her?
Do you catch yourself replaying her words in your head long after she’s gone?
If being around her leaves you feeling worse instead of better, that’s a major red flag.
4. She Expects Support but Gives None in Return
When she’s upset, you’re expected to drop everything to comfort her.
But when you need her?
She dismisses your feelings, blames you, or makes it about herself.
A relationship this one-sided can take a serious toll on your emotional well-being.
5. She’s Interfering with Your Other Relationships
Does she try to sabotage your friendships, romantic relationships, or even work life?
If she constantly creates drama, spreads lies, or makes you feel guilty for having a life outside of her, she’s holding you back—not supporting you.
6. You’ve Tried, but She Refuses to Change
You’ve explained how her behavior affects you.
You’ve asked for respect.
Maybe you’ve even gone low contact before.
But no matter what you do, she stays the same.
If she won’t change, your only option might be to protect yourself by stepping away.
7. You Feel Trapped and Obligated, Not Loved
Do you stay in contact because you want to—or because you feel like you have to?
If the only thing keeping you in the relationship is guilt or obligation, it’s time to reevaluate.
Your mental and emotional well-being matter, too.
Making the Decision
If you’re nodding along to these signs, you might be wondering: Is it time to go no contact with my mom?
It’s a big decision, and it’s completely normal to have mixed feelings.
On one hand, cutting ties can bring a huge sense of relief.
You might finally feel free from the constant stress, manipulation, and negativity.
It can give you the space to heal, grow, and live your life on your own terms.
But it’s not always easy.
Guilt is a big one.
You might worry about how your mom will cope without you, especially if she’s aging or has health issues.
There’s also the fear of judgment from others.
Will people see you as a bad daughter for walking away?
It’s also normal to feel sad about losing your relationship with your mom, even if it wasn’t a good one.
You might grieve for the mother-child bond you wish you had.
And if you’re still financially dependent or living at home, going no contact could mean facing some practical challenges too.
These are all valid concerns, and it’s important to think them through.
But remember, your mental health matters.
Protecting yourself from ongoing emotional harm is important, even if it means making a difficult decision.
Constant exposure to narcissistic behavior can lead to serious issues like chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and even physical health problems.
In the end, only you can decide what’s right for you.
But if your relationship with your mom is hurting you more than it’s helping, it might be time to consider stepping back – either by setting stricter boundaries or by cutting contact completely.
Your future self will thank you for it.
Steps to Going No Contact with Your Narcissistic Mother
If you realize that you’re fed up with dealing with your narcissistic mother and you’re ready to go no contact, here are some steps to guide you through the process.
1. Plan Your Exit
Start by securing your independence.
If you’re still at home, look for affordable living options like shared apartments, studio rentals, short-term leases, or even a friend’s couch.
If you’ve already moved out, make sure your current place is truly yours, with no co-signers or shared leases with mom.
Next, gather all your important documents like your ID, birth certificate, passport, and financial records.
If any are missing, get copies before making your move.
Review your finances carefully.
Make sure your mom doesn’t have access to any of your accounts or important information.
If she does, open new accounts at a different bank.
Build a safety net by saving money if you can, and set up your own phone plan.
It’s also smart to change passwords on everything from your email to your social media if she has had previous access to those as well.
2. Tell Trusted People
Going no contact with your mom is hard and can really wear you down emotionally.
That’s why it’s so important to have people in your corner.
Talk to friends you trust, your partner, or family members who get it.
Let them know what’s going on with you.
They might not have all the answers, but just having someone listen and understand can make a big difference when things feel like too much.
Tell them why you’re making this choice and ask them to back you up as you go through it.
Remember, you don’t have to handle everything by yourself—it’s totally fine to count on others for support.
3. Have a Plan for Emergencies
Dealing with emergencies can be tricky when you’ve cut ties with your mom.
It’s smart to have a game plan ready that doesn’t involve her or anyone who might take her side.
Think about what you’d do if you suddenly got sick, faced a family crisis, or hit a rough patch with money.
Who would you call?
Where would you go?
Maybe you could set up an emergency fund or find out about local resources that could help.
Having a plan in your back pocket can help you stay cool and feel more secure when life throws you a curveball.
4. Set Your Boundaries
It’s a good idea to figure out what “no contact” means for you when dealing with a narcissistic mom.
First, think about what you can handle.
Maybe you’re okay with a quick text once in a while, or maybe you need to block her number completely.
It’s all about what helps you feel safe and calm.
Be super clear with yourself about the rules you’re setting up.
Can she email you?
Are you going to unfriend her on Facebook?
Write it down if that helps.
And hey, it’s okay to have a few exceptions if you want.
Like, maybe you’ll let your aunt tell you if your mom gets really sick, or you’ll answer the phone if it’s about important legal stuff.
The key is to make a plan that works for you and stick to it.
5. Decide How You’ll Tell Her
Okay, let’s talk about telling your mom you’re going no contact.
You’ve got options: you could write a letter, send a text, make a call, or talk face-to-face.
It’s totally up to you how much you want to share.
Some folks choose not to say anything at all, and that’s cool too if you think it’s safer or better for you.
If you do decide to tell her, keep it short and sweet if you want.
Something like, “I need some space right now, please respect that,” can do the trick.
Or, if you feel like you need to get everything off your chest, go for it.
Just be ready for her reaction – it might not be great.
Life After No Contact
When you stop talking to your narcissistic mom you’ll probably hit some bumps along the way.
Here’s what you can expect:
Your Mom Might Act Out
Your mom likely won’t be cool with your decision, and she might react in different ways.
She could get super angry, act all confused, or play the victim to make you feel guilty.
She might even talk trash about you to family and friends, hoping to pressure you into coming back.
Or she might pretend she doesn’t care at all, thinking you’ll cave first and apologize.
Remember, all this drama isn’t about you – it’s all her.
Stay strong and think about why you made this choice in the first place.
Family Might Get Messy
Family gatherings might feel weird, so plan ahead if you know your mom will be there.
You could skip the event, show up late, leave early, or bring a friend for backup.
Having an escape plan, like a second engagement (even a fake one), can be a lifesaver if things get uncomfortable.
Some family members might not get why you’re doing this or side with your mom.
She might twist the story, spread rumors, or play up her struggles for sympathy.
It hurts, but stay strong.
You don’t have to explain yourself to everyone, but it’s okay to share with people you trust.
If someone asks, keep it simple: “Mom and I are taking some time apart.”
If they push, just say, “I’d rather not get into details, but thanks for understanding.”
This way, you’re not inviting drama or picking sides.
Remember, you don’t owe anyone the full story, and it’s totally fine to set boundaries with other family members about this too.
Watch Out for Mom’s Messengers
Your mom might send people to talk you into making up with her – we call these folks “flying monkeys.”
They could be anyone: family, friends, neighbors, or even your pastor if your mom’s into church.
These messengers might pass on comments from your mom or tell you you’re making a big deal out of nothing.
Their goal? To make you feel bad and reach out to her.
When this happens, keep cool and stick to your guns.
You can be nice but firm, saying something like, “This is between me and my mom. I don’t need to explain it to anyone else.”
If they keep bugging you, it’s totally okay to shut down the conversation or walk away.
Remember, you’re in charge of who you talk to and what you share.
Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you’re not ready for.
Taking Care of You Comes First
After going no contact, taking good care of yourself is super important.
Eat healthy foods, drink lots of water, and get your body moving.
Don’t skip out on the fun things you love – make time for your hobbies.
They’re awesome for relaxing and boosting your mood.
Spend more time with your friends and try to meet new people too.
Work on building a little crew that feels like family.
Your head space is really important right now, so pay attention to how you’re feeling.
Be nice to yourself and show yourself the love your mom didn’t give you.
It might feel strange at first, but it’s worth it.
Taking care of yourself helps you heal and create a life that makes you happy.
Healing Takes Time
Healing after going no contact is a process that takes time.
It’s not only about cutting ties; it’s about rebuilding your life and finding peace.
It’s gonna be a rollercoaster.
Some days you’ll feel awesome about moving on, other days you’ll be mad or hurt about what your mom did.
You might even wonder if you made the right call, especially around holidays or family events.
It’s totally normal to miss your mom sometimes.
These feelings are all part of healing.
When you start doubting yourself, think back to why you stopped talking to her.
Maybe keep a list of reasons and check it when you’re feeling unsure.
Don’t rush – be patient with yourself and high-five yourself for small wins.
You might not see big changes right away, but every little bit helps.
It’s Not a Forever Decision
Remember, going no contact with your mom doesn’t have to be for good.
You can always think about it again if things change big time.
Maybe she gets help, says sorry, and really wants to fix things.
Or after a while, you might feel strong enough to handle talking a little bit, or you might want to reach out if she gets really sick.
The main thing is how you feel and what’s good for your mental health.
If you ever want to change things later, do it when you’re ready and how you want to.
No need to rush, and there’s no right or wrong way.
It’s all about what works for you and helps you feel okay.
In Closing
Going no contact with your mom is hard.
She’s your mom, after all.
But if she’s hurt you so much that you feel you need to do this, it makes sense.
Good on you for looking out for yourself.
I hope you’ve got people in your corner.
When I stopped talking to my mom, it was a big deal.
It hurt and wasn’t easy, but it also felt like a weight off my shoulders.
I took control and started focusing on my own life.
I wanted to be a healthier me, not just someone for her to dump her feelings on.
My family didn’t get it and weren’t much help, but my friends were awesome.
They stuck by me.
Their support, plus seeing a therapist, helped me start to feel better after years of abuse.
I’ll be honest with you – eventually, my mom died while we weren’t talking.
But I never felt bad about going no contact, even though we never worked things out.
I sleep okay at night, and I hope other folks dealing with narcissistic moms can find the same kind of peace and freedom.
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