Single in Your 30s? 7 Female-Focused Secrets to Cope
Being single in your 30s can feel scary for many women, especially in a society that often scrutinizes the single-in-your-30s-female experience.
We grow up being told that our 20s are our “prime” and that we need to find a husband and start a family before hitting 30.
This idea is everywhere—from fairy tales to social media—where we see how important love and relationships are for a happy life.
We often believe we need that to be “complete” as women and adults.
I was really influenced by this growing up.
I spent my 20s chasing my future husband.
It’s embarrassing to admit, but nothing in life was more important to me than finding “the one.”
I thought a man choosing me as his wife would give me purpose and prove I was lovable – to myself and others.
I read every dating advice book, tried every strategy, and was all in on online dating, endlessly swiping and going on dates.
But despite all my efforts, it just didn’t happen.
When I turned 30 and was still single, I felt the clock ticking.
My friends were settling down, but I was alone.
I became depressed, anxious, and desperate for anyone to choose me.
My self-esteem hit rock bottom.
Being loved seemed like the most important thing in the world, but it was just out of reach.
Nothing I did seemed to get me closer.
At 34, I experienced a whirlwind romance with a man who seemed just as eager to settle down.
I was thrilled to be his partner—finally, someone had chosen me!
But soon, reality set in.
My partner turned out to be a workaholic and emotionally distant.
I found myself putting in all the effort to keep our relationship alive.
After a couple of years, it became stressful and draining.
That’s when I realized something important: I was happier on my own.
There was so much more to me than just being someone’s girlfriend or wife.
I could have a happy, fulfilling life and great relationships without being in a romantic one with a man.
Now, I want to help others who are feeling lost or pressured.
I will talk about why it’s OK to be a single woman in your 30s.
Plus I’ll share tips on how to accept being single and how to build a life you love – with or without a partner.
Let’s jump right in!
Being a Single Woman in Your 30s is More Common Than You Think
You may feel like such a freak if you’re still a single woman in your 30s, and even more so if you’ve never had a serious relationship.
But you are actually in good company, because being 30 and single is more common and normal than ever before!
Let’s look at some facts:
Back in the 1970s, only about 7% of people between 30 and 49 had never been married.
That was pretty rare.
But things have changed a lot since then.
Fast forward to the 2020s, and nearly 3 out of 10 people in that age group have never been married.
That’s a big jump!
So if you’re single in your 30s, you’re far from alone.
Sure, the single-in-your-30s-female experience can still feel like a big deal for some people, especially women who want to have kids with a partner.
However, the traditional goal of becoming a wife and mother is evolving.
Many women who once thought they would definitely get married have discovered that they actually enjoy being on their own.
For some, this realization comes at 40 or even 50, while others have known all along that they prefer the single life.
There are also more options than ever for women who want to start families later in life or in non-traditional ways.
Whether it’s through adoption, IVF, or finding a co-parenting partner, the possibilities are expanding.
So, if you’re a single woman in your 30s: you’re not alone, you’re not weird, and there’s nothing wrong with you.
Being single at 30 these days is just as normal, if not more so, than being in a relationship.
Embrace your journey and know that you’re in good company.
How to Accept Being a Single Woman Over 30
I know how much it can hurt being a single woman in your 30s.
For years, I watched people around me effortlessly jump from relationship to relationship, marriage to marriage, finding their happiness and achieving the things I really wanted.
I felt super lonely and sometimes I cried, wondering what was wrong with me, why didn’t any man want to be in a relationship with me.
The answer was that there was nothing really wrong with me, just my perception.
I had focused so much on finding a relationship as the key to my happiness.
But when I finally found love for myself and my own life, that’s when I began to truly accept being a single woman in my 30s.
Here’s how you can start to accept being a woman single in your 30s as well:
1. Redefine Success
As women, we’ve been fed this idea that success means having it all – a career, a husband, 3 kids, and a white picket fence.
And somehow if we haven’t achieved all of that by our 30s, we’re behind or failing at life.
But honestly, these pillars of success are so outdated.
As women, we are so much more than those things.
Being in your 30s and single doesn’t mean you’re failing at life – far from it!
All of us have the power to take control and redefine what success means to each of us personally.
Maybe success for you is traveling the world solo, crushing it in your career, or adopting a new fur baby.
Maybe it’s mastering a new hobby or volunteering for a cause you’re passionate about.
The point is, success isn’t one-size-fits-all.
And here’s the key: you don’t need a partner to validate your success or make you feel complete.
You can be your own rich man.
Focus on your ambitions, build your skills, and work towards financial independence.
There’s nothing more empowering than knowing you’ve got your own back.
So, take a moment and ask yourself: What does a successful life look like for me? What makes me feel fulfilled and happy, beyond just relationships?
Once you’ve got that figured out, go after it with everything you’ve got.
2. Focus on You
Being single in your 30s isn’t a problem to fix – it’s an opportunity to focus on you.
When you’re busy becoming the best version of yourself, you’ll have less time to worry about your relationship status.
Instead, you’ll be out there learning new things, picking up skills, and finding what truly excites you.
This journey of self-improvement can take many forms – it might mean pursuing more education, whether that’s taking a class, reading books, or going back to school.
It could also involve focusing on your health, like eating nutritious foods, exercising regularly, and practicing self-care through meditation or therapy.
The key is to invest in yourself.
Your 30s are the perfect time to become the most capable, confident and fulfilled version of yourself.
The best part?
This self-work makes you more interesting, self-assured and attractive – both to yourself and to potential partners.
Whether you stay single or eventually meet someone, you’ll be bringing your absolute best to the table.
3. Chase Your Dreams
When you’re embracing the single life, one of the most powerful things you can do is set personal goals and start going after your biggest dreams.
This is your chance to be the star of your own show!
Think about it – what are those dreams and goals you’ve always wanted to chase, but maybe put aside?
Maybe it’s traveling to a place on your bucket list, learning a new language, starting your own business, or finally writing that book you’ve been thinking about.
When you set goals around these personal passions and start working towards them, it shifts your focus from what society says you “should” be doing (like frantically searching for a partner) to what YOU want to be doing.
Achieving these goals will give you a major confidence boost, reminding you of your abilities and how truly amazing you are – all on your own.
Plus, there’s nothing more attractive than a woman who knows what she wants and goes after it with everything she’s got.
So, grab a notebook and start writing down those big, bold goals.
Then, make a plan to start bringing them to life.
You’ll be too busy living your best, most exciting life to worry about being single!
4. Invest in Friends and Family
Sometimes we get so caught up in finding a boyfriend that we often overlook the people who already love us.
I’m guilty of doing this.
In my teens and 20s, I was obsessed with finding “the one” before turning 30.
I put my friends and family on the back burner, thinking a romantic relationship was most important.
It took time, but I finally understood what a mistake I was making.
Men came and went like the wind.
Their affection for me was often transactional and based on sex.
I never had a romantic partner who was truly there for me, supported me, or loved me unconditionally.
My friends and family, however, had seen me at my worst and yet still always had my back and loved me without conditions.
When I realized this, I started putting effort into relationships with my friends and family.
And interestingly enough, the pressure of being single began to dissolve.
I realized I didn’t NEED a boyfriend or a husband; I already had an incredible support system that made me feel loved and valued.
So here’s my tip: if you’ve been so wrapped up in finding a lover that you’ve neglected other relationships, change things up.
Try focusing on your healthy relationships outside of romantic interests.
They’re the real deal, and will provide love and support that’ll be there through thick and thin.
Spending more time with them will help make being single feel less like you’re waiting for your life to start and more like you’re already living it to the fullest.
Plus, when you do meet someone special, you’ll have an amazing group of people to welcome them into your life.
5. Challenge Societal Pressures
We’ve all heard the ridiculous idea that women “hit the wall” by 30.
Or that we’re only valuable if we have a ring on our finger and a baby on our hip.
The truth is, social media is a major reason these dumb beliefs still exist.
Platforms constantly tell us that by our 30s, we should have a perfect home life, an active social calendar, and a flawless appearance to be considered valuable.
Well, it’s all complete and utter bullshit.
The reality is, none of us should fear aging, being single, or taking time to figure out our purpose.
We’re all on our own journeys, and there’s no one-size-fits-all timeline for life.
Instead of trying to fit into these societal “norms”, let’s work to get rid of them.
Start by doing a social media cleanse.
Unfollow those accounts pushing the “find a man or die alone” agenda.
Accounts telling you there’s a perfect man waiting to “save” you, if you just follow complex strategies or change everything about yourself.
And let’s not forget those couples flooding your feed with their seemingly picture-perfect relationships and family lives.
Yeah, hit that unfollow button, right now!
Instead, curate your feeds with content that lifts you up.
Follow accounts that celebrate you as the badass you are, promote self-love, and showcase the incredible things women are achieving – with or without a partner.
Remember, you’re the author of your own story.
Don’t let anyone – not social media, not anyone else – dictate how you should live or what should make you happy.
6. Enjoy Your Freedom
Let me share something personal with you about enjoying your freedom.
Sure, having a partner for comfort and support would be nice, but I’ve realized I absolutely love being free to make my own decisions and live life on my terms.
I don’t have to worry about how a husband might feel about my choices or ask for his permission.
I run my household exactly how I want.
If I feel like being messy and schlubby some days, guess what?
I have no one to impress!
Want to take off on a spontaneous trip?
I just pack my bags and go!
Having playful banter with a cute gentleman?
I’m free to flirt and just be my wild, independent self.
I’ve never really fit into a box, and now I don’t have to try.
But here’s the best part – everything I achieve in life right now, I can be so proud of because I did it all on my own.
I didn’t need a man to swoop in and save me.
This freedom has allowed me to grow, challenge myself, and really figure out who I am and what I want.
So if you’re struggling with being single, try shifting your perspective.
Embrace your freedom, run with it, and see how empowering it can be.
7. Seek Professional Help if Needed
If you’re really struggling with being single in your 30s, it might be beneficial to seek professional help.
It’s totally normal to have ups and downs, but if you’re feeling constantly down about your relationship status, it might be time to chat with a therapist or counselor.
They can help you unpack any deep-seated issues or fears you might have about being single, and give you tools to boost your self-esteem.
Maybe you’re dealing with pressure from family or society, or perhaps you’ve got some old relationship baggage weighing you down.
A therapist can help you work through all that stuff.
They can also teach you some awesome coping strategies and help you reframe your thoughts about being single.
Plus, it’s just nice to have someone to talk to who won’t judge you or try to offer quick fixes.
Is It Ever Too Late to Find Love as a Single Woman in Your 30s?
You may still be wondering – even if you’re comfortable with being a single woman in your 30s now, is it possible you’ll ever find love in your 30s or beyond?
Or is it too late?
Sure, the dating pool may feel a bit smaller compared to our 20s.
And it does take more time and effort to put ourselves out there.
But the truth is, finding love in your 30s can actually be an incredible opportunity.
By the time we hit 30, we’ve (hopefully) moved past the turbulence of our younger years.
We have a much better sense of who we are and what we want out of life.
We’re wiser, more confident, and more intentional about the kind of partner we want to choose.
That puts us in a much better position to find a truly compatible match.
Think about it – a lot of us were still figuring things out in our 20s.
We may have rushed into relationships or made mistakes that we’ve since learned from.
Now, we can take that life experience and use it to our advantage.
We know ourselves better, and we’re not willing to settle just for the sake of having someone.
In Closing
I hope I’ve helped you see that being a single woman in your 30s is not something to be ashamed of.
In fact, it’s quite common, and most importantly, it’s completely OK and normal.
Our relationship status doesn’t dictate who we are or the quality of life we can live as women.
Who knows what the future holds and what’s in store for us when it comes to love.
But one thing is certain – as independent, confident women, our best days are still ahead of us.
Just think about how far we’ve already come since our 20s!
Now, we get to step into this next chapter with a sense of excitement and optimism.
Sure, the path may not always be clear, but that’s part of the adventure, isn’t it?
Rather than seeing our single status as something to “fix”, let’s embrace it as an incredible opportunity for growth, discovery and reinvention.
The world is our oyster – the future is ours to create.
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